I just threw up on my dentist
i barfeds in our rink
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
