have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
