i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i jhust puked up my retainher.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize