mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
