we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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