She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
