ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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