i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
