His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
