I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
