My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize