Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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