u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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