The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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