I feel great
I just peed on a car
false alarm. still invincible.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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