so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
