So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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