I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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