Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
