So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
