i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
