This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
