My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
