Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
