so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
