Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
