someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
