god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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