Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
