And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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