I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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