I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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