i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
