Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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