hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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