Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
