It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
