So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
