Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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