In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
we're so committed to being not committed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize