and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
