Please don't use social media to get back at me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
