You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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