He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
