My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
