I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
