grandma shit on top of the toilet
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize