if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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