its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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