i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
