end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
