i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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