any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
and you fell through a lawn chair
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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