fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
