Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
