can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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