thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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