I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
