May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
