so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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