Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Two words: blizzard sex
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
