took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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