Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
