he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
