wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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