i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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