Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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