don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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