You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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