Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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