do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
