I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
