So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
