I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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