my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
