Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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