Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
