it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize