that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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