from now on my penis is your penis
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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