you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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