I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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