Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
