I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just saw a hot homeless man
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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