were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize