grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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