I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sober January is a disaster.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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