I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
