If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
