If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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