i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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