i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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