WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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