There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Your cock deserves a montage
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
