Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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