It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize