Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
