I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize