to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
