I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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