I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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