I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
where are you?
Hypothermia
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
last night I used snow as a chaser
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
