and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
