Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
