so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
