We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You took a bar mat shot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
