every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
