sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
