I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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