Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
