Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The Olympian is in my bed
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
