the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
