I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
