You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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