I just threw up on my dentist
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize